I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
