hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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