Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
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Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
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I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it