Texts From Last Night

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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.

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  (618): I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided. http://tfl.nu/ph4u
  Replies (20) Good night (1186) Bad night (4452)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.

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  (580): I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite. http://tfl.nu/hgau
  Replies (12) Good night (909) Bad night (2680)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone

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  (516): i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone http://tfl.nu/1arh
  Replies (5) Good night (1056) Bad night (3223)
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  (510): View more from California

  I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

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  (510): I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders. http://tfl.nu/3tbi
  Replies (73) Good night (6469) Bad night (3276)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.

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  (269): I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away. http://tfl.nu/ufa3
  Replies (10) Good night (5172) Bad night (948)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?

  (281): View more from Texas

  If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!

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  (214): Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex? (281): If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy! http://tfl.nu/0a5o
  Replies (16) Good night (2504) Bad night (715)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.

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  (908): This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar. http://tfl.nu/pvsf
  Replies (4) Good night (1202) Bad night (575)
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  (760): View more from California

  I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.

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  (760): I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death. http://tfl.nu/3p5q
  Replies (12) Good night (1388) Bad night (583)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You may now shotgun with the bride

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  (610): You may now shotgun with the bride http://tfl.nu/3bw7
  Replies (2) Good night (952) Bad night (425)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.

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  (732): I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened. http://tfl.nu/b4bs
  Replies (2) Good night (489) Bad night (377)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??

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  (903): Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate?? http://tfl.nu/wozc
  Replies (6) Good night (832) Bad night (417)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism

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  (330): can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism http://tfl.nu/db2b
  Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?

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  (+44): i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love? http://tfl.nu/u8h5
  Replies (2) Good night (733) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns

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  (703): Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns http://tfl.nu/cgxv
  Replies (15) Good night (611) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'

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  (973): She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.' http://tfl.nu/tqso
  Replies (2) Good night (896) Bad night (242)

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