Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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