the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
