i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
