I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
