and she was petting her beer can
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
