So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
