so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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