The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish you could order shots online.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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