I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
