I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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