I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
