Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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