Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
