dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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