i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
