Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
