yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
