that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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