Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
