i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
