So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
