So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
