my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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