I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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