Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
