tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
