Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
