Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
