Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
