I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
