What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
