We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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