how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
