just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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