I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
where are my eyebrows?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
