im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
