So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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