he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
