I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
