I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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