i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
