i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
