Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
