My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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