They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
