I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
