so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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