I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
