I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
