How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
