he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The Olympian is in my bed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
