Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
