I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
