my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
