turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
