The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
