Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
