My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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