If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
