Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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