Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
