It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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