Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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