I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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