I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
