well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
