I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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