I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
