Nicole vs. Life
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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