I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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