You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Houston, we have a squirter
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
