I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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