i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
