i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
