A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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