You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
