Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
