i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
