Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
