i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
