you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
