she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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