I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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